Better Safe than Sorry

The games world is reeling from the news that a recent study has revealed an increased tendency for rape, murder and general obnoxiousness to occur at the same longitude as people playing certain consoles. Ministers are now expected to buckle under already considerable pressure to not only ban the games, but also to destroy those already circulated in a series of ceremonial bonfires to be broadcast live on BBC1 as an effort to build public confidence, and of course to put to death all those who purchased, used or tolerated the offending consoles in any sense. At last we'll be one step closer to a safer world in which children will be able to run free without their parents having to get involved on a daily basis.