Fit For Purpose

I told Microsoft I wanted a computer that would tolerate me continually drooling, weeping and defecating on it in new ways each day, and that would also let me post up pictures of the hilarious antics I get up to on the weekends, despite the fact that I'm a retarded gibbering arsepiece with no real use for technology, or for a functioning fucking brain for that matter. I have no grasp whatever of what a computer is, or is for, and yet here I am telling you about it in the bloody advert - and that's a good thing, because we should all have one, and make sure it has Windows 7 on it, if for no other purpose than seeing it there on your bank statement - what exactly in the name of Christ is it that you're waiting for?