Sound Bites

Controversial legislation is being discussed, through which anyone who publishes a sentence online, containing a higher ratio of consonant to vowel than 5:2, will be banned from the Internet forever. The move is intended to curb the rising incidence of electrocution that occurs when really stupid people read aloud from their favourite blogs, spraying spittle and drool across the computer screen. Legislators are expected to urge the police to put pressure on ISPs to enforce the new ruling should it be made law. It is not yet clear whether punctuation or emoticons will be affected, nor indeed has a reasonable case been made as to why we shouldn't just let these idiots die.