Each to their Own

Apple are pursuing legal action against a small key cutting company based in Worcestershire on the basis that they have been selling products with the letter 'i' in their names. The multinational technology company are said to be initiating a newly assertive approach to legal issues which it is believed may include an attempt to prevent all other companies from manufacturing products that require the use of the hands or fingers. Company spokespeople have continued to refute last week's reports that Apple employees had been recorded coating iPhones with bodily fluids before packing them into boxes for distribution and sale.