Taking Liberties

Electrical Rights Groups are stepping up the campaign to free the millions of bytes trapped and/ or destroyed every year through poor and inefficient design. Increased pressure is being put on technology companies to appoint Bit Representatives who would give these tiny chunks of memory a voice for the first time. Protesters, who've dubbed the current situation Data Genocide, welcomed upcoming EU regulation which is expected to make the appointments a legal obligation.

Tall Tales

The newest iPhone makes you taller! According to fan forums that is. Rumour has it that repeated use of the device also improves your IQ, increases sexual potency and makes your hair extremely lustrous, as well as virtually guaranteeing immortality of course. However, several unfortunate side effects have also been reported, including dribbling from the mouth and nose, urinating freely and, most commonly, behaving like an absolute fucking arse.

Revert to Type?

German technology firm Battlecosm Systems® are attempting to patent a series of keystrokes used within their online role-playing game Faerie or Foul. The sequence:

'CTRL+K+|+$+3 > ALT+G+[]'

is frequently used as a shortcut to dismember an opponent within the game, which is one of the biggest MMORPGs currently in operation. The move has been described variously as 'inspired', 'disgusting' and 'unbelievably discomfiting' by my next-door neighbours.