Shell Shock

New Linux distro issues an electric shock whenever the user thinks about Microsoft.
The controversial move was initiated by Flin Stympyl of RealGnixxx9 who was recently quoted as saying "I've just about had it with these fucking idiots who can't tell the difference between stovEbus memory and hardJuice retention - CAN YOU EVEN FUCKING IMAGINE THAT?" to his gran after high-tea. Good luck with that then...

Sock It To Me

This week's edition of LimedX Magazine comes with a free portrait disorganiser, it also features a rare interview with Waiy Tiresum, inventor of the bobble-goggled toe-sock, which was given some much needed publicity last month when Tie McBanjon mentioned it in passing during a vococast on gg^&kebab))ix2.com - just don't mention the Cycledrive Ttopeware incident, he still has the bathing scars...

See No Evil

Scientists have discovered an 'evil' gene in the common fruit fly. Specimens inheriting the recessive chromosome were found to be significantly filthier, nastier and just generally more unpleasant to be around, in some cases exhibiting impressively bastard-like obnoxiousness. Ethical groups have expressed concern that use of the development within the field of human genetic research may encourage the desire for 'designer babies', which it is feared may result in a super-race of beautiful, talented and fragrant children with neon skin and whose defecation would most likely take the form of a pink cellophane-coated caramel-scented pellet.